love bombing

/lʌv ˈbɒm.ɪŋ/ Beginner Updated

Love bombing is overwhelming someone with affection, attention and gifts early on, in order to gain control over them. It feels like a whirlwind romance at first. The warning sign is what comes after: the affection gets pulled back, and the relationship turns controlling.

What does love bombing mean?

Everyone gets excited at the start of a relationship. Love bombing is different because it is intense, fast and strategic. Constant texts, extravagant gifts, “I’ve never felt this way before” in the first week, pressure to commit quickly. The goal is to make the other person feel so adored and dependent that they overlook problems later.

Psychologists often describe the pattern as idealization, then devaluation, then discard: first the flood of affection, then criticism or coldness, then withdrawal.

Warning signs

  • Moving very fast: talk of moving in, marriage or “soulmates” within weeks.
  • Over-the-top gifts or attention that feel out of proportion.
  • Making you feel guilty for spending time with friends or family.
  • Affection that suddenly switches to coldness when you set a boundary.

How to use it

  • “He sent flowers to my office every day the first week. My friends said it was love bombing.”
  • “Looking back, the love bombing was the first red flag.”
  • “Not every big romantic gesture is love bombing, but the speed matters.”

Where it comes from

The term was coined in the 1970s by members of the Unification Church in the United States to describe flooding potential recruits with affection, and psychologist Margaret Singer later documented it as a cult recruitment tactic. Today it is mainly used about manipulative and abusive relationships, and it became widely discussed on social media in the late 2010s and 2020s.

If a relationship feels controlling or unsafe, talking to someone you trust or a support service can help.

Related terms

See more terms like this in our dating slang dictionary.

Example sentence

Looking back, the love bombing was the first red flag.

Notes

Associated with manipulative and abusive relationships.

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