pick-me

A pick-me is someone who tries too hard to win approval, usually a woman who puts other women down to look better to men. “Pick-me girl” is the most common form, and it’s always meant as an insult.

What a pick-me does

The classic pick-me line is “I’m not like other girls.” In the stereotype, she makes a point of saying she only has guy friends, hates drama, doesn’t care about makeup and would rather watch sports. None of those things is a problem on its own. The insult is about the performance: doing it to get chosen, and making other women look bad along the way.

The word has spread beyond dating. A pick-me boy is a guy who acts extra sensitive or “one of the good ones” to get women’s attention. At work, a “pick-me” is the colleague who volunteers for everything the boss mentions and makes sure everyone notices.

Examples

• “She told him she ‘doesn’t really get along with girls.’ Total pick-me behavior.”
• “He posted a crying selfie about respecting women. Pick-me boy energy.”
• “Why is she laughing at his jokes and roasting us? Such a pick-me.”

Where it came from

The term took off on Black Twitter in early 2016, when the hashtag #TweetLikeAPickMe trended. Merriam-Webster says that hashtag started among Black women. The phrase is often traced to a 2005 Grey’s Anatomy scene in which Meredith begs Derek to choose her, though Merriam-Webster calls the exact origin unclear.

TikTok skits in 2021 made it mainstream, and “pick-me boy” followed that same year. Merriam-Webster now lists “pick-me girl,” labeled as disparaging slang.

Is calling someone a pick-me fair?

That’s debated. The word is used mostly by women about other women, and critics point out that mocking a woman for chasing male approval can feed the same rivalry it’s supposed to call out. Use it about behavior, not as a label for anyone who happens to like sports or skip makeup.

Pick-me vs. simp

Dictionary.com describes a pick-me as roughly the female counterpart of a simp. Both are about trying too hard for someone’s attention, but a simp is usually defined by over-the-top devotion to one person, while a pick-me is defined by putting others down.

Related terms

• simp: someone who does far too much for a crush
• girlboss: a success-chasing woman, now often used sarcastically
• red flag: a warning sign in a partner
• delulu: delusional, usually about a crush

See more terms like this in our dating slang dictionary.