micro-cheating

Micro-cheating means small behaviors that aren’t outright cheating but still cross a line in a relationship: secretly messaging an ex, hiding a chat, flirting “harmlessly,” or keeping a dating app installed “just to look.”

What counts as micro-cheating

That’s the hard part, because every couple draws the line somewhere different. Examples that come up again and again:

• Taking off a wedding ring before a night out.
• Spending extra time with someone you’re attracted to and not mentioning it.
• Browsing dating app profiles while you’re in a relationship.
• Late-night messages with an ex, followed by deleting the thread.
• Saving a contact under a fake name.

What usually separates micro-cheating from ordinary friendliness is secrecy. If you’d switch screens when your partner walks in, that tells you something. Wikipedia lists secrecy, emotional intimacy and sexual chemistry as the usual tests.

Examples

• “He still DMs his ex every night and deletes the chat. That’s micro-cheating.”
• “Having a work bestie isn’t micro-cheating. Hiding them from me is.”
• “Is it micro-cheating if I follow my celebrity crush?” “No. Please relax.”

The pushback

Not everyone likes the idea. Critics say that treating every lunch with a coworker or every liked photo as a threat signals a lack of trust, and expects one partner to be the other’s only source of friendship and fun. There’s also very little actual research on it. Wikipedia notes that the subject is discussed mostly in the media and online, not in scholarship.

Where it came from

Micro-cheating is a recent coinage, built the same way as “microaggression” and “micromanaging.” Wikipedia says it was apparently popularized by Melanie Schilling, an Australian TV personality, and it took off in dating articles and on social media from there.

Related terms

• Situationship: a relationship with no label.
• Orbiting: watching someone’s stories after ending things.
• Breadcrumbing: sending just enough attention to keep someone interested.
• Sneaky link: a secret hookup.
• Red flag: a warning sign in a partner.

More relationship terms are in our dating slang guide.