benching

Benching is keeping someone as a backup option in dating: staying in touch just enough that they remain available, while you look for someone you like more. Like a sports player on the bench, they are kept in reserve.

What does benching mean?

When you are benched, the other person is clearly interested enough not to let you go, but never interested enough to make you a priority. You get occasional texts or last-minute plans when something else falls through. They are keeping their options open, and you are one of the options.

How to use it

• “He only texts me when his other plans fall through. I’m being benched.”
• “She’s benching him until someone better comes along.”
• “I realized I was on the bench and stopped replying.”

Signs you’re being benched

• Plans are vague, rare or made at the last minute.
• They reappear after long gaps as if nothing happened.
• You never meet their friends or get invited to anything important.
• They seem more interested when you pull away.

Benching vs. breadcrumbing

They overlap a lot. Breadcrumbing describes the method: small crumbs of attention to keep someone hooked. Benching describes the position: you are the backup. Often a person who is benching someone does it by breadcrumbing them.

Related terms

• breadcrumbing: just enough attention to keep someone hooked
• ghosting: disappearing without explanation
• orbiting: watching someone’s posts without talking
• situationship: a relationship with no label
• red flag: a warning sign

See more terms like this in our dating slang dictionary.